You Can't Please Everyone!

March 15, 2022
The earnest tale of a girl who just can't say no. Ellie is a people-pleaser--the thought of disappointing others petrifies her. When faced with the choice of cancelling her own plans or telling a friend she can't do an activity, she'll always opt in favor of the friend. Caring people in Ellie's life begin to notice her self-sabotaging behavior. There's Rosie, a new girl at school, who notices that Ellie's people-pleasing is making her unhappy. There's Ellie's mom, who knows Ellie would rather paint than put her plans on pause for her blithely oblivious friend Sam. Only when Ellie has a talk with her parents does she own up to her problem and begin conveying her true feelings and preferences. Authorial advice prefaces the story, providing useful context, but some of it is delivered with too broad a brush. For example, unable to dole out much more than generalities, Flanagan Burns urges child readers to ditch toxic friendships and "find friends who lift you up, not bring you own. Find friends who like you just the way you are." Would that it were so simple. The writing is straightforward and serviceable. Simple illustrations in earth colors depict Ellie as White, Rosie as Black, and other classmates as racially diverse. A worthwhile, if sometimes heavy-handed, primer on setting boundaries, but the storytelling feels rote. (Chapter book. 7-10)

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April 15, 2022
Grades 2-4 The hidden costs of being a people-pleaser, especially for kids navigating the conflict-laden minefields of school and after-school, are dramatized in this chapter book, written by a school psychologist. It begins with a "Note to the Reader," which lists tips on "what is and isn't your job." What isn't your job includes pleasing people, being liked, and doing it all. The nine chapters that follow show people-pleaser Ellie in different anxiety-producing situations in school settings, including the school bus, the tetherball court, and the classroom. Ellie worries about disappointing people and not being liked and feels guilty when she asserts herself. Her parents offer advice and practice sessions that ultimately lead Ellie to realize that she's not responsible for others' feelings and that the world won't fall apart if she says no. She also learns the difference between being kind and caving in to demands. The watercolor illustrations, in subdued tones of blue, gray, and brown, spotlight each chapter's conflict. Both people-pleasing kids and the adults who guide them can benefit from this book.

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